How Do I Best Love My Daughter Who Is Gay?

How Do I Best Love My Daughter Who Is Gay?

The common (and unfortunate)  perception of our culture is that the Catholic Church hates gay people. This is untrue, but the Church’s teaching on homosexuality is often misunderstood because it rejects both anti-gay bigotry and the unconditional endorsement of homosexual relations.

And this misunderstanding isn’t just for non-Catholics. Many Catholics find it difficult to know how to navigate relationships with loved ones who are gay. Recently, a listener named Roseann called in to Heart to Heart with Mother Miriam, explained that she has a daughter who is gay, and asked Mother Miriam how to love her amidst that. Mother Miriam responded:

“The only way to salvation is to give your life to Christ, and if you give your life to Christ you don’t live that lifestyle. You could tell her that even if she feels she is gay, God does not condemn us for that – it’s only for the act. If she were not gay at all she would still not be able to act out her womanly sexuality outside of marriage. It’s condemned, and she puts herself on the path to hell. So if someone feels that they are gay, they have to be just as chaste as a heterosexual person needs to be.

There’s no exception. You don’t act out sexually because you’re gay any more than you act out sexually because you’re not gay. You must be chaste until marriage. So, if she lives that lifestyle, it’s not because she’s gay, it’s because she has chosen a lifestyle of immorality, turned from God, and put herself on the path to hell.

She needs you. She doesn’t need you to pray for her, she doesn’t need you to distance yourself from her. She needs you. She needs your love. Say, ‘Sweetheart, I accept you 100%. You are my daughter, you will always be my daughter, I love you and I will lay down my life for you.

I’m not condemning you for being gay – that’s not what God would ever condemn you for. It’s for living the lifestyle that God condemns you. I don’t, God does. Because sexuality outside of  marriage is fornication. And you can’t claim to love someone else (even if that person is female) when you are having relations with her outside of the marriage God created. So I can’t accept that, because how could I accept you going to hell? How can I accept you turning from the God who loved you and gave Himself for you? How could I ever accept that, knowing that you’re not putting yourself on the path to heaven?

I could never accept that, but you I accept. I love you and I could never change you. I love you and I accept you. If you weren’t gay, I would love you and accept you equally. But if you were sleeping with a man you were dating, how could I ever accept that?’

You don’t accept or love her less because of the fact that she is gay. She must hear that from you. Otherwise you can’t love her. If she’s gay, you love who she is. Otherwise you don’t love her.”

Listen to the full conversation below:

Heart to Heart with Mother Miriam airs weekdays from 12:00 – 1:00 p.m. Pacific.